I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
