Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
