he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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