some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
