so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
