There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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