All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I love you.
Bad choice
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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