please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
