Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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