We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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