The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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