I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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