Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
