Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
