I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
