If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
