Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
