so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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