I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
