Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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