too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
