so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
