Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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