So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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