Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I could fuck to npr.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
