Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
two words: eviction party
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
