Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
