How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
