I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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