you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
