You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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