I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
