Apparently you make a good broom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
