He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
