You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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