Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
