i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
