I'm eating all of the evidence.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
