I want to stick my p in your. b.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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