I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
