how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
