Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
