Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will be naked everywhere
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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