Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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