Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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