Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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