my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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