So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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