Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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