This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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