I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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