i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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