you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Randomize
