just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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