When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
