he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
