Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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