my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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