I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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