I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
