I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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