so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
