The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
