thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
