I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
