Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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