She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
