Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This baby is an asshole
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
