You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just had sex bonerless
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
