I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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